


Dear Mickey,

by Carryonmygaywardsons



Series: Gallavich Oneshots [5]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, Post Season 5
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2015-08-25
Packaged: 2018-04-17 03:44:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4650975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carryonmygaywardsons/pseuds/Carryonmygaywardsons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I miss you, Mickey. I miss you a lot.</p><p>Why did you have to be driving that night?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Letter One

**Author's Note:**

> All letters are based off of actual letters I wrote to my best friend, after he died, about four years ago. Writing to him was my way of coping, so all of these are almost word for word, what I wrote to him.
> 
> This fic was originally written for another fandom about 2 years ago, but I thought it would work for Shameless also.
> 
> Tumblr: goinggallavich.tumblr.com

_Dear Mickey,_  
  
_It's been a year today since we parted. A year since I last felt your lips against my own. A year since I woke up to you laying beside me. I miss you, you know? I miss you a lot._  
_That fight we had was so stupid. I know it was. I wish I had just admitted that I was wrong. Maybe you wouldn't have left if I had._  
  
_I remember you walking out of our home. You stopped at the door, and just stood there. I thought you were going to turn around and come back, but instead you just grabbed your coat off the rack._  
  
_I'm sorry I keep calling.. I know I must be annoying you. It's stupid really, how I think you'll answer. Lip keeps telling me I need to stop. I know I should.. But I can't help but hope you'll actually answer._  
  
_I went to see you today. I didn't even make it past the front gate. Fiona had to stop me from going any further, because she knew I would regret it._  
  
_I miss you a lot. I remember when you called me. It was a few hours after you left. You were driving, and I could tell you had been crying. You said you were sorry, and that you were going to come home. I remember, I was crying too. I smiled and said I loved you. You said it back._  
  
_I was about to ask you of you wanted to curl up and a movie when I heard it._  
  
_I heard you scream, and I heard the tires screech. I remember hearing the sound of the windows shattering, and the sound of you flying through the windshield. I don't know why the call didn't disconnect. You weren't wearing a seatbelt. I always reminded you to wear a seatbelt._  
  
_I'm crying again.. I'm so sorry.. I miss you a lot Mick._  
  
_I'll keep calling, and I'll keep trying to visit you. Don't worry. I'll make sure to keep the front door unlocked for you._  
  
_Why did you have to be driving that night?_  
  
_Love, Ian_


	2. Letter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Mickey,  
> I had a dream about you last night. It wasn't a nightmare like it usually is. I dreamt about the first time we met. Do you remember it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have about seven already typed out letters, so I'm just going to post those all at once.

_Dear Mickey,_

_I_ _had a dream about you last night. It wasn't a nightmare like it usually is. I dreamt about the first time we met. Do you remember it?_

  
_I had just gotten into a fight with Fiona. She kept going on and on about how I need to prepare for my future. You know how the future always scared me. I never did like thinking about anything more than a few months ahead. I remember I grabbed my backpack. Yes, that backpack. You always hated the way I constantly had to have that ratty old thing with me. I remember running out of my house. I didn't really have a destination in mind.. You know I always loved to run away. I ran and ran and ran until I reached the L a few miles down the road. I don't know why I stopped. I could've kept running. I stopped, took off my backpack, and sat down on that old couch. I can't remember how long I had sat there before you showed up. But you did. You always showed up. You sat down right next to me. I jumped a bit, because no one goes down that specific street unless they live on it. You lived on it. Just a few houses down. You lived with your brothers and Mandy. God, I miss Mandy. Iggy never did like me much. No, don't try to tell me he did, because he didn't. We both know he hated me. I looked over to you. I saw your mess of hair, and a cigarette hanging from your lips. I motioned for one. You laughed and pulled one out, and stuck it between my lips, lighting it for me. You always said no one should have to light their own cigarette. We sat there and smoked. I don't know how long we sat there in silence, because we went through about 6 cigarettes each. We never did say anything. I remember crying. Not those loud obnoxious sobs. No, I was quiet, and I only let a few drops fall. You didn't say anything. You never thought silence was meant to be filled. You never felt obligated to fill it. I think another hour had passed before one of us finally spoke. You said "My sisters making pizza." And that's how we started. That's how we met. I know everyone thinks we started when Mandy sent you and your bothers to kill me. We always kept that first meeting to ourselves. Do you remember it?_   
  
_I miss you Mickey. I miss you a lot._   
  
_Why did you have to be driving that night?_   
  
_Love, Ian_


	3. Letter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Mickey,  
> It's getting bad again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of suicide and self harm.
> 
> This letter actually wasn't edited for the storyline. I've been living with Bipolar Disorder for years, and this was something that actually happened. This wasn't edited to fit Ian's storyline.

_Dear Mickey,_  
  
_It's getting bad again. Not the missing you.. That's always been bad. But me. I'm getting bad again. You know what I mean. The voices..  They don't stop. They keep me up at night. It's gotten worse since you left. It's starting to remind me of the morning you found me. The morning I tried to kill myself.. Do you remember it?_  
  
_It was so dark. I didn't understand why it was so dark at first, considering it was around 10 a.m. It took me a moment to realize that my eyes were closed. I was scared. I could hear everything around me, but my eyes wouldn't open. I couldn't get them to open. I could feel the blood dripping down my arm. It stung; the cut. You always said I was stupid for doing that. For carving into myself. My stomach hurt too. It must've been from all the pills I took. I don't know why I didn't hang myself, or just shoot myself.. It would've been quicker. Easier too. But I guess deep down, I didn't want to die. Not really. I remember hearing you. You weren't in my room yet. You were talking to Debbie in the hallway. I could hear you on the other side of my door. Fiona must have made you something to eat before she left for work. You always did come over when you were hungry. I heard your footsteps. They were getting closer and closer to my room. I heard the door open. You walked in, and I heard something break. I found out later that you had dropped the mug I bought for you. I started shaking. I couldn't figure out what was happening until I realizing that you were trying to wake me up. I kept hearing you say "Wake up! Wake up, Ian! Dammit! Wake the fuck up!" I didn't wake up. At least not then. I don't know why you didn't call Fiona. I guess you didn't wanna worry her. I'm still so thankful for that. She would've blamed herself. It's been almost 3 years since that day, and she still doesn't know. I felt myself being lifted up. I don't know why I hadn't woken up yet. My brain was obviously awake. Why wouldn't my body work? I stopped hearing and feeling things after that. The next thing I remember was waking up. I was on your bed. You and Mandy were sitting next to me. I looked down at my arm. It was stitched up. Mandy did such a good job on those stitches. She told me she had plenty of practice, from when Terry still lived there. You can barely see the scar anymore. I looked at you. You smiled at me with one of your smiles. You kissed my cheek and said "Welcome back." Do you remember it?_  
  
_I miss you Mickey. I miss you a lot._  
  
_Why did you have to be driving that night?_  
  
_Love, Ian._


	4. Letter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Mickey,  
> I went to see you today.

_Dear Mickey,_  
  
_I went to see you today. I was gonna bring you flowers, but I could practically hear you in the back of my head going on and on about how flowers are "fucking girly as shit"._  
  
_You know what I never understood? Why didn't you die when the car crashed? I always felt like God was playing some sick joke on me. Like "Oh Ian. Not only did I allow the love of your life to get into a horrible car crash, but I also made it so he was in a coma for 6 months. You know, so you could watch him slowly die." Yeah. Fuck you God._  
  
_I think that was the worst part. Having to watch you slowly die, while there was nothing I could do about it._  
 _I fucking hated it. The doctors said that there was too much damage to your head, so they had to put you in a medically induced coma._  
  
_6 months. 6 fucking months, you were asleep._  
  
_I remember I went home one day, because Fiona said I had to go and take a shower. I didn't want to leave you.. I really didn't. I had a feeling that something was gonna happen that day.. I just felt it._  
  
_I was putting some new clothes on when I got the call. "Ian? Ian, it's Mickey. He's.. He's woken up." I remember dropping the phone. I grabbed my keys and ran. I ran all the way to the hospital. I don't know why the hell I didn't just drive. I got there and you were sitting up. I could tell something was wrong. The second I walked through the door, everyone just looked at me. Your sister came over and pulled me out of the room. She told me you couldn't remember. You couldn't remember anyone. Not even your own sister. I wanted to see you. Surely you'd remember me, right? I waked back into the room, and everyone looked at me again. They had that look in their eyes.. The look that says "I'm so sorry." I walked right over to you. I sat down on the end of your bed. You looked up at me and smiled. Everyone was so shocked. So fucking shocked. You smiled and yelled "Ian!"_  
  
_It was a month later that we lost you._  
  
_Christmas was coming up, so they let you come home to be with your family. We were all so happy, because we thought you were getting better. You weren't. Somewhere along the way, you developed a lung infection. The doctors said it they could fix it. They couldn't._  
  
_You were watching T.V with Mandy when it happened. Your eyes slipped close for just a second. They didn't open._  
  
_I was about to go to work when I got the call. I barely heard it. Everything got kinda fuzzy, and I dropped the phone. I dropped the phone and dropped to the floor. I cried and cried and cried for days. For weeks. I can't remember how many nights I cried myself to sleep._  
  
_We were suppose to see the world together. We were supposed to grow old together. We were supposed to do so many damn things together, and you had to go and die! Why did you have to do that Mickey!? Why!?_  
  
_I miss you and it's fucking killing me! It's been 3 goddamn years, and I still miss you like that day you left! Fuck!_  
  
_I'm crying now. I do that a lot._  
  
_I miss you, Mick. I miss you a lot._  
  
_Why did you have to be driving that night?_  
  
_Love, Ian._


	5. Letter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Mickey,  
> I've been going to church lately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this letter is about a very OOC Mickey. I know Mickey wasn't a church goer, and he wasn't someone who was always smiling, and whatnot. But I couldn't really take out that stuff without the entire letter making zero sense.
> 
> Just try to remember that these were originally written for a real person. A person who was similar, but also very different than Mickey. So any OOC things, are really just characteristics of my best friend.

_Dear Mickey,_  
  
_I'm sitting in church right now. Yeah, I know. Me, church? Fiona thought it'd be good for me. I think she's just run out of things to keep me busy. I'm not really hearing anything the priest is saying. Everything sounds like as if I have ear plugs in. You know how I was never one for this stuff; listening to someone preach to me about how I should be living my life._  
  
_I don't know why I'm telling you this. You were always the bible thumper out of the two of us. Not that that's a bad thing. You just believed different things. You were always trying to get me to go to church with you. You said I needed to just try it out. After months and months of you pestering me, I finally went. It wasn't too bad. But it just wasn't my thing. I didn't like believing in something I couldn't see. I know that sounds ignorant. But I just don't want to live my life worshiping something that might not even be real. Does that make sense?_  
  
_I've been going to church a lot since you left. Are you proud of me? I still don't really believe any of this. But I'm trying. For you._  
  
_The priest is talking about Heaven and Hell right now._  
  
_I like to believe you're in Heaven. You deserve to be there. You loved everyone. You just always loved everyone. I never understood how you did it. You were so happy, all the time. It was like you took everyone else's pain, and just got rid of it all._  
  
_You were the best person I ever knew. You taught me so much. You taught me how to be a good person. You taught me to love myself, and everyone around me. You taught me to appreciate everything._  
  
_You taught me so much about life, and I wouldn't have wanted to learn it from anyone else._  
  
_I miss you, Mickey. I miss you a lot._  
  
_Why did you have to be driving that night?_  
  
_Love, Ian_


	6. Letter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Mickey,  
> I'm gonna tell you about everyone. About how we all got had to live without you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of suicide.
> 
> I know the Gallagher's would have been affected by Mickey's death, but I didn't think they'd be affected by it to this extent. So I created some "OC's." (They're just names I used instead of the actually names of my friends that this happened to.)

_Dear Mickey,_  
  
_I saw your sister today. She seems better. Finally. She was in such a dark place for such a long time. We all were. Can I tell you about it? About how we all coped? I don't wanna make you feel bad or anything. But we all went through some shit when you left. I'm gonna tell you about it._  
  
_Casey was pretty bad. She cut herself off from the world for the longest time. She would rarely leave her house. She said outside reminded her of you too much._  
  
_Carl was Carl. You know he was quiet to begin with, so it was really hard to tell that he was depressed. He still went out and talked and laughed with everyone. He still smiled and acted like everything was okay. Nothing was okay._  
  
_Matt committed suicide 6 months after you died._  
  
_Iggy turned to drugs. Yeah, I know. We all expected it. Him and Colin spent their days and nights snorting anything they could get their hands on. It was really bad for a long time. Iggy finally got sober. I don't know how long it's gonna last though. I don't know what happened to Colin._  
  
_Sean followed after Matt, about 2 weeks later._  
  
_Mandy.. She kinda just went M.I.A for a while. No one heard from her for almost a year. When she finally came back, she was on so many drugs.. It was hard seeing her like that. I guess she was just trying to forget. We all tried to forget._  
  
_I won't go into detail about what happened to me.. I mean, I didn't turn to drugs. I didn't drink myself to death. I didn't kill myself, (although I though about it more than once.) I kinda just felt. I felt all of it._  
 _I felt the drugs they all took. I felt the sadness Carl endured. I felt the isolation Casey put herself through. I swear to god, I felt the bullet Matt put through his head, and the rope that choked Sean._  
  
_I felt it all. I'm still feeling it._  
  
_I miss you, Mickey. I miss you a lot._  
  
_Why did you have to be driving that night?_  
  
_Love, Ian_

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Mickey,  
> I just really miss you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short, sorry.

_Dear Mickey,_  
  
_I've stopped eating an I've starting being reckless because if I'm going to die its going to be by my own hand, and I know you'd probably punch me in the face if you could, but you can't because you're dead and I hate it and I really need someone to punch me right now._  
 _You'd probably tell me to stop talking out of my ass and that all of the voices in my head aren't real and that I'm loved and that I need to just go along with the life that was planned out for me, but that's the thing, my life wasn't planned, I wasn't planned. The only reason I'm here is because my mom was a whore and stupid and didn't use a condom and that's all I'll ever be; just the product of a one night stand gone wrong. I'm not supposed to be here, you're supposed to be here and your not and god fucking dammit why aren't you here!? I'm high and I'm crying and I just want to fucking die and I can't and fuck._  
  
_I miss you Mickey I miss you a lot._  
  
_Why did you have to be driving that night?_  
  
_Love, Ian_

**Author's Note:**

> I know these don't really follow the season 5 breakup, but I didn't really have the heart to change it.
> 
> Let me know what you guys think.


End file.
